The Classics Hall

The sun has the best work-life balance I've ever seen.

Every evening, it just calls it a day.

Our roofer finished the job and wouldn't charge us for the last shingle.

He said that one was on the house.

I dropped a full carton of eggs in the kitchen this morning.

The whole family has been walking on eggshells ever since.

Our sourdough took first place at the county fair.

Finally, this family has a breadwinner.

My son asked when he'd be old enough to get my jokes.

I said, "When you're a groan-up."

I told the iron it deserved a day off.

It kept pressing the issue.

Our vacuum cleaner quit this week.

It was sick of picking up after us.

I fixed the car horn all by myself.

Not to toot my own horn, but I did a great job.

My wife says my snoring sounds like someone sawing logs.

That would explain all the sawdust on my pillow.

My kids say socks with sandals is a fashion crime.

Fine by me. I'm comfortable with the sentence.

The dryer ate another one of my socks.

I'd complain, but I don't want any static.

I've stopped arguing with the bathroom scale.

Its opinion carries too much weight.

Our front door thinks it's the most important part of the house.

To be fair, everything hinges on it.

Our smoke detector goes off over the slightest bit of burnt toast.

It's always been an alarmist.

I wasn't sure about the new glue gun at first.

But we bonded right away.

Our living room rug knows every family secret.

That's where we sweep them.

The lawn asked why I skipped mowing last weekend.

I decided to cut it some slack.

People say yard work doesn't pay.

Yet every fall, there I am, raking it in.

I asked my neighbor what he thinks of our new gate.

He's still on the fence.

I asked the locksmith the secret to his success.

He said showing up is key.