The Science Lab

My dog has fully mastered Newton's first law.

An object at rest stays on the couch.

Whenever something breaks in the physics lab, they blame gravity.

It's always willing to take the fall.

Why did the beam of light get detention?

It kept bending the rules in glass.

I threw a party at absolute zero.

Absolutely nobody moved.

Never lend your car to a particle physicist.

They can't stay off the accelerator.

Why is tungsten the hardest element to talk about?

It's a real tungsten twister.

How did the ice cube pass the states-of-matter quiz?

It knew the material cold.

I told my best joke to an atom.

It laughed so hard it split.

Why did the amoeba fail its driving test?

It couldn't stop splitting lanes.

Never argue with a microscope.

It blows everything out of proportion.

Why do biologists make excellent accountants?

They're experts at taxonomy.

Why are lions so good at office politics?

They understand the food chain of command.

Rockets have the strangest careers.

They only take off after they've been fired.

What does the moon say when it needs help?

Somebody gibbous a hand.

Why did the hypotenuse get written up at work?

It kept cutting corners.

Why are exponents such good babysitters?

They really know how to raise a number.

Why do mathematicians retire at 71?

They want to leave while they're still in their prime.

Why are functions the most dependable part of any program?

They always return your calls.

I moved all my files to the cloud.

The storage is great, but the rent is sky-high.

My smart TV tried stand-up comedy.

It kept buffering right before every punchline.